http://blhodge.wordpress.com Just another WordPress.com weblog Wed, 20 May 2009 08:17:33 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ http://s2.wp.com/i/buttonw-com.png http://blhodge.wordpress.com http://blhodge.wordpress.com/2009/05/20/a-collection-of-late-nightearly-morning-thoughts/ http://blhodge.wordpress.com/2009/05/20/a-collection-of-late-nightearly-morning-thoughts/#comments Wed, 20 May 2009 08:13:16 +0000 blhodge http://blhodge.wordpress.com/?p=4 ]]> Broke. May. Almost 22. My dog is dreaming, about what I don’t know. It’s 2:14 am and I told myself I’d be going to bed early tonight. I told my friends I’d be going to bed early tonight. I just got a bed that I found on the street for free. It’s too big, just like the one my mother offered to me but I turned it down because it was too big and wouldn’t fit in my room. This one doesn’t fit either. MAYBE I’M THE ONE WHO DOESN’T FIT Here. But it’s better than the floor. As for me, I’m just slightly more comfortable than nothing at all. Now my dog is awake and licking himself loudly. He sleeps in a giant cage, large enough to stand and turn around in. and to make noise, usually licking or snoring noises. I can tell him anytime and anywhere around the house (even out in the yard!) to go to his room, and he’ll happily run to his cage. He used to have bedding in it but he always pushed it aside or chewed it to pieces, so now he has just a sheet. Even though I tell him to go to his room, it is still just a cage. I can smell the night creeping in through the screen on the window by my head, and it makes me think of happiness, and then death. I’m going to try and go to sleep, but ever since I got this bed I’ve had to fight to ignore subtle aches in my legs and my right elbow. There’s a sheet I hung on the window to replace a lost curtain, and I wonder if it’d fit on this mattress. I don’t think it will. I wonder if I’ll really fit. But I don’t think I will. Sometimes you can call things whatever you want, you can stand up and even turn around, you can lie on the floor or fill your space with slightly less comfortable yet somehow more luxurious things and still find yourself sleepless in the middle of the night with questions and aches that you want to ignore but just can’t. and EVENTUALLY, in a moment of pseudo-clarity and sleep deprivation you’ll learn. It’s all a fuckin’ cage, but you didn’t have to leave the yard and run into it to lie down. You were just told to, so you did. Maybe when I pass out I’ll dream about some girl and we’ll be in love or something and finally everything will just be cool.

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